i don't know if god was being cruel. making fun of me by letting me meet a guy like him. or was he being kind enough to let me meet him. if i didnt meet him, i wouldnt have to go through all this agony and misery. but then again, if i didnt meet him, i wouldnt have known that there was someone so alike me out there.

we were so alike it was creepy. we said the same words at the same time sometimes. thought about the same things and shared them only to find out that the other was thinking about the same thing. we liked the same things. not all but enough to be amazed. we found the same things funny. miraculous since i practically laugh at anything lame. our personalities were alike. we were both thinkers. preferring to observe the world and we shared the same sentiments about life.. about education, society, blah. we liked to think positively. we have motivational posters hung up in our rooms to encourage us on through life. we both enjoy and understand psychology. we both knew the importance of certain things and understood whats important in life. love and not power for example. money cant buy u happiness.

he was the first person i've seen who was so determined in his work. his motivation to go through daily mundane work was contagious. seeing him enthusiastically telling me how his work went well yet again made me happy. and i felt proud that he was doing good. and i felt ashamed that i was complaining my way through the last job that i had. he spurred me on to work hard in whatever i was doing. during my tests he texted me and it just made the days less stressful than they were already were. knowing that he was out there wishing me well and thinking of me. in short, he made a difference in my life. for something to cheesy to say, i'll say that he made me want to be a better person.

now that we stopped videochatting entirely i found myself with so much time that i felt empty. with so much time, i was left staring at the walls and remembering the good times. it just suffocated me. so i tried to make myself busy. i focused on my assignments and exams and tried to distract myself. i tried to go out more. though going out just exposed me to more couples and more pain eventually. thank goodness for the assignment deadlines then huh. thank goodness for the little little things that helped kept my mind busy. the mind, its a dangerous thing. seems like keeping busy felt the only way to keep me sane.

time. what an irony. he said he didnt have enough time so he stopped. and now i have so much time to spare. gone were the days where i went online the moment i get up from bed. gone were the days where i rushed home to switch on the laptop just to see if he's online. gone were the days where i didnt even wanna go out since i had him to talk to online. i should make a song out of this. time time time.

looking back at the previous posts, i was happy. ridiculously happy to have met him. and i remember praying that this too good to be true thing would never end. praying that the bottle of happiness will never break. even p2 was praying and crossing her fingers that things will go well.

why werent our prayers answered then?

i don't know. i thought everything happened for a reason. but now i've yet to find the reason for this. all i came up with were excuses. not reasons.

something p2 said today still remained with me. we may get over them in time to come. yes. but the scars that they leave behind will remain forever. everyone will go through this same process. only that the scars are different. thanks p2.. thanks for being there for me and everything *hugs*

i dont know if i'm going to be able to get over him in time to come. but one thing's for sure, the scar is there.

i really thought i was finally happy. really.

oh well, time to keep my mind busy once more before the tears come again. and come to think of it now, thank goodness my schedule's going to be crazily tiring and busy next semester.

if being busy caused the distance and turned him into that hurtful monster and he could go on life normally, then so could i. just the lead life normally again part i mean.

wouldnt i have no time to think of him then? =)

yes i know i'm grasping at straws.